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THANK YOU! for your interest in this subject matter and in my story. INTENT: #support for the #significant_others of #transsexuals and #transgender, to #advocate the necessity of being your authentic self, and to share information with others. By this, I hope to support your own journey, or add to your understanding of the journey of someone you know. ABOUT ME: A 45 year old #heterosexual woman, divorced w/children, I met Jack and fell in love. Six years into our relationship, he confided his secret desire--Jack wanted to be a woman. Before his disclosure, I had no reason to suspect his interest. It was a shocking surprise! It was the decade of the 1990's. Little information was available to help ME understand 'Why' and 'What next". Not only was Jack in transition, but by virtue of the circumstance, so was I. Guided by my heart, I began a journey of my own. Stepping out of my comfort zone I challenged my attitudes and belief systems, as well as, my own sexual orientation to help me decide 'Do I stay, or do I go"?

Disclaimer Note to Information and Video Links

Informational links and videos for chosen topics are provided based on conversations and experiences I shared with J and the challenges that we faced. If the information provided helps just one person who views, it was worth my posting it.

Not everyone's need, or experience, will be the same as ours was.

By your View and your click on a particular post, I am able to know which topics are of most interest to the reader and will make sure I include responses to your interest within my book.

Thank you for your support!

Monday, November 4, 2013

"Bicapable" -- Not Bisexual, Gay or Lesbian...A new term for a hetero female or male cisgender who stays with their partner after transition.


In my situation as a heterosexual female, I realized that when "he" became "she" our sex life would change. How would I handle what essentially would become a lesbian sexual relationship? We had been together six years. I loved this person. I didn't want to leave. I found myself questioning my own sexual orientation...and I wondered if I stayed, would we still find pleasure and satisfaction in our sexual relationship? If we did, did that mean that I was lesbian? bisexual? It is a question I have learned that most hetero cisgender persons (female or male) ask themselves when faced with their partner's transition.

I must say, that I believe it is essential that one understands their own sexual needs. That is why this question is so individual and personal. I questioned if our sexual experience together as a couple had been satisfying to me and what made it so? After much soul-searching, I came to the conclusion I was not lesbian and I was not bisexual. I was "bicapable".

What do I mean by "bi-capable"? I mean that with THIS person, THIS partner whom you have established a sexual relationship with, as a "he", or as a "she", and with whom you have a 'history', you may be capable of a gratifying sexual intimacy/relationship to each others mutual satisfaction, even after transition and sex reassignment surgery, because you know and understand each other's needs. This you would be capable of, even though you know that in any other circumstance presented with a lesbian, or gay, sexual encounter you would have no interest. This is what I mean by 'bi-capable."

So many variables make up one's own ability to enjoy being with another person in an intimate way. A consensual relationship, it's no one else's business but that of the two of you, how you express your sexual nature when together. In any relationship, it is the couple that defines what that is. Self-exploration, curiosity, and experimentation can contribute to your personal growth, and the growth of a relationship if done with self-awareness, consent, and care for another person. Talk to your partner about your needs, likes, dislikes, and be honest, and sensitive to the other's needs. You might be surprised at what you discover about yourself, and them. Could you discover you are a lesbian? Maybe. If male, could you discover you are gay? Maybe. Perhaps you are bisexual. But you may come to realize that by nature, you are heterosexual. It is just in this particular circumstance, with this particular person, in this particular circumstance and relationship, you are bicapable. I welcome your thoughts.

#bisexual #heterosexual #lesbian #Gay #bicapable #biflexible #female #sexuality #woman #significantother #M2F #TS #TG #F2M #compatibility #sex #love #partnership #sensuality #sexuality #personalgrowth #authenticself #relationships #specialcircumstance

1 comment:

  1. I loved J and our relationship was important to me. How would I feel when "he" became "she"? Others would ask often with a smirk, "What happens when he doesn't have the parts?" It was a question I had to ask myself, and one which I needed to explore. How important is his male physicality to me? How would it functionally change our sex life? Could I find sexual satisfaction in such a sexual relationship? I had children, so it wasn't about reproduction. What was it about?
    Adjustment_disorientation ran rampant in my head -- but I needed to find the answer for myself, setting out on my own journey of self-discovery to learn if I was even "bicapable".

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